Second Crusader Challenge – Microflash

Write a FLASH FICTION story (in any format) in 100 words or less, excluding the title. Begin the story with the words, “The goldfish bowl teetered” These four words will be included in the word count.
Once you’ve posted your Challenge post on your blog, pop back here and link directly to it in the linky tool below (make sure you include the direct link to that post, not just the link to your blog!).
Entries in the Second Crusader Challenge will close next Friday, March 25th (at 11.59pm EST), so make sure you get your post in the linky link before then.

Living in a goldfish bowl

The goldfish bowl teetered on the edge but it had done so for years. Only the multi-tasking tentacles of the Administrators kept it from falling, kept all those people from knowing that their lives were on view.

Johnny’s finger tapped at a window pane. Behind it he could see strange creatures flailing in water. Which was weird in a London street.

“Octa-puss!” he crowed, tapping harder. Was this the moment? His mother pulled him away, apologising to no one. He wailed as she dragged him down the road. “Mummy, wanna octa-PUSS!”

The Administrator relaxed. No one ever believed the children.

This entry was posted in Crusade: The Second Writers' Platform-Building Crusade, Short Fiction and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

42 Responses to Second Crusader Challenge – Microflash

  1. Yay! Another person who put the human race in a goldfish bowl. I really liked your take on it. Great job and thanks for sharing.

  2. Akoss says:

    Interesting. You got ALL THAT from a fish bowl. XD
    I have yet to come up with anything… *sigh*
    But I did enjoy reading yours. :)

    • :) Well, I do write fantasy, and there was the extra bit of “try and write in your genre”. But the goldfish bowl doesn’t have to relate to the actual story at all. There’s one girl who worked it into a thriller, which was VERY good. Scary… I’ll retweet the link :)

  3. Cherie Reich says:

    Great story! I enjoyed it!

  4. Carol Riggs says:

    Unique and very interesting! I like the sneaky behind-the-scenes surveillance going on here. :)

  5. I like your take on this. Well done!

    Nikki

  6. Hi there guys ;)

    This is a fantastic flash fiction piece. I totally want to see where it goes from here! How did the humans end up controlled by a giant octopus? Why is the goldfish bowl always teetering? Does someone ever find out the truth? What happens when the goldfish bowl falls (it’s going to fall eventually right)?

    • Hahahahahaha I’m glad you like it. I think the best flashes are the ones which throw up a load of questions about how they all got to that point and what happens next, so your reaction is just perfect! Thank you! :D

  7. Good stuff. I like the Adminstrators (and nobody ever does believe the children)

  8. K.B. Owen says:

    Am I just dense? I can’t find the tweet button on your post.

    • Oo-er. Hmmm. Let me act intelligent for a moment while I find out how to add that in… In case you are still wondering, you are not dense :D

    • I don’t think I can do it on here – I think I have to be hosting wordpress on my own site in order to do that – I found a thing about the plugin but it talks about a content directory and I don’t think I have that :S If it’s any consolation I will be getting my own site soon, for reasons exactly like this :(

  9. Trisha says:

    This was great!! I feel bad for the kid though, it’s true nobody believes the kids :P

  10. Poor little kiddy. Bit worried about an octopus peering in my bedroom window tonight! Nice job. :-)

  11. Summer Ross says:

    Very interesting twist on this one! Thanks for posting it.

  12. alberta ross says:

    I did like this – totally in my mind set – tentacles holding us in place – yes – children should be disbeleived – we’d all have the heebie jeebies otherwise!

  13. Oooh! Creepy and facinating! Which, in my opinion, are awesome traits for flash fiction pieces. They make you think long afterwards and throw out many questions. Very cool. Kids are observent creatures, that’s why I DO listen to them. ;) Of course half the time I’m rolling my eyes. hehe

  14. Fascinating premise! I enjoyed this :))

  15. Crystal says:

    Fun “world”. I’d love to see what direction you take the concept.

  16. Jeanne Kraus says:

    Well I enjoyed that a lot. I am so amazed by the different ways in which so many people take the same 4 words and do so much with them. Well done.

  17. oooh i loved this one. Really interesting. Can certainly see a story in this one!
    well done

  18. I love that no one believes the children. So true!

  19. L'Aussie says:

    Love this take on the challenge. The human in the goldfish bowl. Neat! :D

  20. Holly Vance says:

    Made me think of the end of Men In Black II.

  21. Great job! You managed to have a complete story here, and let us in on the workings of a very different world than ours…hopefully that is. :) Love the last line!

  22. Joy says:

    Intriguing the different things writers can come up with when given the same prompt.

  23. Alison says:

    I’m enjoying these human in goldfish bowl entries. Great job!

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