The challenge was as follows:
The Show Not Tell Challenge: In 300 words or less, write a passage (it can be an excerpt from your WIP, flash fiction, a poem, or any other writing) that shows (rather than tells) the following:
- you’re scared and hungry
- it’s dusk
- you think someone is following you
- and just for fun, see if you can involve all five senses AND include these random words: shimmer, saccadic, substance, and salt.
This came in at 223 words 
Into the Dark
The third sun has set and lights are coming on, their shimmer casting more shadows for me to see things in. I can smell the salt left on the rocks and wonder if the waves ever tire of their unceasing attack. I suspect not. After all, water has substance and they win in the end. My stomach is grumbling but the pounding of my heart is louder, my eyes aching from saccadic movement, trying to see into the dark. I can taste blood where a ceelau trotted out of some bushes and startled me into biting my own lip.
A sound behind me makes me jump and I resist the urge to look over my shoulder. But I walk faster. After all, there is no one around to save me if something happens. As I near the end of the promenade, I slow down. There’s a long patch of deep shadow where three or four lights have failed. Probably tachthis trying to break shells. I hear that sound again, the scrape of a boot on stone, and my skin prickles as the fine hairs rise on my arms, my neck. If I stay here I am trapped. Everything is quiet now, but for the gentle hiss of seawater on the pebble beach. I leave the light. I do not return.
Crusading!
Podcast "FRANK: Vol. 1 – Boiling Point"
Excellent story and descriptions in so few words! Wowsers! Well done, Anne-Mhairi!
Thanks
I had fun with it. I was actually surprised at how short it turned out, but I really had nothing left to say!
Spooky!
ooh! love strange worlds with three suns! my fave line: Everything is quiet now, but for the gentle hiss of seawater on the pebble beach. christy
Oh, thanks! I love it when people pick out specific things that they liked.
That last line gave me chills!
Do not return? Oh my. Great entry!
Thank you
Good job! I particularly loved the scene setting! I could totally see everything in my mind (which made it way more creepy!).
Thanks!
Evocative and stirring. Mental pictures galore. The “breaking shells” made we want more back story. Love the tight beginning and the tight ending. Somewhere in the distance something is keening…
The ‘breaking shells’ was for one of those bird species that use rocks to break open snails or molluscs? I figured my fantasy world could have them too
Everyone’s complimenting this one so much I have to go back and read it myself! Thank you very much!
I love the line: the scrape of a boot on stone, and my skin prickles Great piece :O)
Thank you
Excellent story! Pretty good in so few words.
Does the MC die? Sounds like it.
I’m pretty sure she died
That’s what I thought. So sad.
Shall I make the next short something happier? I don’t like to see my readers sad. Or… oooh, just had an idea… Thank you!
Ooooh! Good chills here! Love the mood.
Thank you!
You certainly hit all the points. Good sense of emptiness.
Thanks!
Fantastic showing, I was right there with your MC! I love these lines – so evocative (and deep, LOL): “I can smell the salt left on the rocks and wonder if the waves ever tire of their unceasing attack. I suspect not. After all, water has substance and they win in the end”
Hugs,
Rach
Isn’t it fantastic, how different everyone is dealing with the same specifications?!?! *sigh* Pity, that we were limited to only 300 words, ceelau and tachthis are interesting words … is there maybe somewhere else more?
Karin @ Nofretiris Dream Of Writing
This is a completely random snippet cooked up entirely for the challenge – I’ve never gone in for creepy stuff, in general, but this was a fantastic challenge for making me broaden my horizons.
I’m skipping this challenge, but it looks like fun!
It was!
I like this but the only thing I would say is to describe what sound it is behind her that makes her jump.
Ah, good point. Missed a trick there. Thanks
Cool! And nice with the sci-fi feel!
Thanks
Nice description, thanks for sharing.
I’m starting up a ‘Critiquing Crusaders’ program, where participants in the Second Crusade can find other writers to exchange critiques with or form critiquing circles. If you’re interested, come by The Kelworth Files to check it out!
Oh cool! I’ll definitely drop by to have a look
Thanks for commenting 
Love the seaside imagery in this. Can’t wait to see what else this character gets up to!
This was supposed to be a standalone piece but you’re at least the second person to say they want to see more of this character, so I might work it up into something.
Love, love, love this! Sorry I’m late BTW, the traffic was murder…
It’s a wonderfully atmospheric piece you have here, I could really feel the tension towards the end. I’d love more backstory to this one, especially about ceelaus and tachthis; I deliberately didn’t read the other comments until after I’d written mine.
That’s ok, the gravitational pull between the suns is awful during rush hour.
Thank you very much! I mentioned before, so many people have said they’re interested in hearing more about this world and the character that I decided to write something about it. No idea what and I have a number of other things I have to do first, but it’s on my to-do list!