Flash Fiction – Chocubus

“Come.” The voice swirled round him like caramel, sweet and smooth and tantalizing. He tried to walk away, even tried to just stand still, but that demonic sweetness pulled him forward. His feet moved almost of their own accord and she laughed, very softly, like a grain of sugar on his tongue. “Yes, that’s it.”

“Well, what do we have here?” Another voice, sweet but not as soft , almost more appealing in its way. He tried to look round but his head wouldn’t turn, his eyes wouldn’t move from the vision of temptation before him. Chocolate brown hair, eyes the same colour. Skin as pale as milk. She was irresistible…

“He’s coming with me,” the first voice told the second. “I want this one all to myself.”

“You know that’s not how it works.” The second voice didn’t sound too bothered. “Still, I guess in the end it’s all the same.”

He was right in front of her now and she leaned in to kiss him. Their lips met and he could taste her, just as sweet as her voice. He moaned and suddenly she melted against him, on him, into him, disintegrating against his mouth, sweeping down his throat and into his lungs on a tide of cocoa-scented death.

His eyes flew open and his arms flailed, trying to push her off, to gasp in air, but there was no escaping the flow, sliding inexorably into him until he ceased to struggle and lay still, his eyes wide, his lips blue under liquid brown.

The brown disappeared and the girl stood above him, smiling the smile that had entranced him before he knew what it meant.

“I find the men so satisfying,” she purred, almost absentmindedly. “They always think only women are in danger from death by chocolate.”

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About Mhairi Simpson

Writer, dreamer. Magic, dragons, pink mice, cake. Come say hi!
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17 Responses to Flash Fiction – Chocubus

  1. Very well done! You could name it “That Subtle Sweetness” or something like that.

  2. Pingback: Tweets that mention Untitled Flash Fiction | Anne-Mhairi Simpson -- Topsy.com

  3. Anya Kelleye says:

    Love this. Hmm how about Demon Chocolate? Or Death By Demon? 🙂

    • You see, all the good titles, i.e. relevant mention chocolate and I don’t want to mention it in the title or the game will be up in pretty much the first sentence. The closest I’m come so far is “Sweet Selection” (i.e. selection box, but also selection of prey)… Of course, as the author, because you know how it ends it’s very difficult (for me almost impossible) to stand back objectively and say ‘how much does this title really foreshadow the ending?’

      • Anya Kelleye says:

        This is true. Well the only other thing I can think of for now is Demon’s Sweet Selection if you want to combine them together. I’m sure the perfect title will hit you when you least expect it.

        Good luck. Look forward to reading it when you get it done. Sounds interesting.

      • Well, that story is standalone, nothing to do with anything else. I was fancying some chocolate (one of those days, you know?) only I couldn’t afford to buy any, so I ended up writing about it instead! So the story is done, just want the perfect title 🙂 But thanks for the suggestions, and for subscribing 🙂

  4. Francesca says:

    What about Sugar Daddy?

    Or Sweet Surrender? Or A Chocolate Kiss (I live near Hershey, so that one was inevitable). Oh no, wait, you don’t want Chocolate in the title. Hmmm.

    Anyway, neat flash fiction!

    From a fellow crusader!

  5. Devon says:

    Demon Sundae-

    • Devon says:

      oops, forgot to note the obvious play on words, and religous connotations.

      • Religious connotations I don’t mind, just not really relevant to the story. I’m actually really thinking of going with your original suggestion, since it’s the one that made me laugh the hardest – hopefully people won’t get it until the end, and it really is the most relevant.

  6. Devon says:

    Kind of you to say. Thanks for letting us have fun with your imaginitive work. Keep infusing your work with the humor you clearly have! That quirky wit and humor brings a story to greater heights.

    • Thank you! I have decided that I shouldn’t lose my sense of humour when it comes to writing. My favourite author is Terry Pratchett which, love him or hate him, tells you all you need to know 🙂

      By the way, I’d like to host one of those ‘taking turns’ stories some time, where everyone takes a turn to say a sentence or two? Would you be interested in participating? I’d have to work out the logistics, but I do love those stories, they get so fun, so fast. I remember one we did at school – the only line I remember, after the main characters had climbed out of the lake, was “Quick! Fetch the bunsen burner!”

      I’ll do a post on it at some point, see how much interest there is.

  7. Pingback: Tweets that mention Flash Fiction – Chocubus | Anne-Mhairi Simpson -- Topsy.com

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