Today is a better day. I have wonderful friends, one of whom sent me money for Scrivener and another of whom insisted on buying a couple of ebooks directly from me so that I could get 100% of the money. The support continues today, with a couple of business opportunities coming up, and I continue to be humbled and grateful for the outpouring of love and hugs.
It’s a cold and wet day, which mostly means cold and wet feet but the dog loves it. The sky has looked like a snow sky all day, flat and white, and it’s so dim and dingy we had to put the lights on before lunch.
All of which gave me the chance to wear my puffy winter coat. The hood has one of those floofy linings that you can take off, although why anyone would want to is beyond me. You can’t see past it most of the time, I probably look like Kenny (albeit taller) but it’s so much fun! I feel like a kid, having to peek out of the enormous hood and constantly brush the floof out of my eyes to see what’s going on.
Also, I have invented a new term for crap phone batteries – constipated goldfish. As in, “my phone has the battery life of a constipated goldfish.”
Aren’t you glad you’re reading this blog post?
On the windowsill in front of me sits the still unfinished necklace that I started making MONTHS ago. I know what I need to do with it, I just haven’t been able to muster up the interest. I’ve finally realised that I don’t want to make a business out of the jewellery or the handbags or even painting. I love doing all those things but as hobbies. Trying to make a business out of any of them just took away all the fun and joy the processes gave me and that seems like too high a price to pay. The writing, however, is more than willing to be my business and the feeling is mutual. Which reminds me, I need to add some stuff to this website.
I did have a good realisation this morning (which I think is at least partly responsible for the above line of thought). I realised I’m now far more determined to fight for the life I want, while also not being invested in having it all happen as soon as humanly possible. Somewhere over the last couple of days I let go of the idea that there was a deadline, that I had to make x amount of money by y date.
Maybe because… well, I have no idea why and it really doesn’t matter.
The point is, without that pressure, I feel like I can breathe again. I just want to write. And publish. And write. And publish. Whenever I can. And as soon as I can, yes, but not by any particular time and with no particular hope associated with the outcome. I just want to do it.
I have no idea if that makes any sense to you but it does to me and it feels amazing. I feel free.
It’s a good feeling.
I hope you’re feeling good, too.